Good ol’ Uncle Jim. Well, technically, he wasn’t my uncle but he did care about me. He was my wife Petra‘s uncle and he passed away on December 27th in Illinois. Jim always told Petra how lucky she was to have me, and I won’t argue with that. But the bigger truth is that he and Petra were very lucky to have each other.

As you may or may not know, Petra is adopted and adoption records are sealed in all but five or so states so that people, even grown adults, can not know their family or history. That is a wrong that needs to be corrected. But that is another story. In our case, Petra managed to track down, with the help of her (adoptive) parents, information about her birth family. Her birth father is deceased and her birth mother sadly wants nothing to do with her, even after all these years. Petra has had some contact with a couple brothers and their families but none of that compares to the relationship that she had with her birth father’s brother, her beloved Uncle Jim.

They met and visited a number of times and found many remarkable, striking similarities in personality and mannerisms. Adopted people rarely get that “you look like your mother” or “you write like your brother” or “you have his eyes” or any of that. But it turned out that she had a lot in common with Jim even though they grew up and lived 2000 miles apart and they never even met until Petra was over 30. He quickly became a very important person in her life.  He was the only person that had a version of her in him. They had a special bond and had many long phone calls and letters, as well as some visits in person over the years. He meant the world to her, and was very, very special. But now the only person that she could see parts of herself in is gone.

Of course, Petra is loved by many, but this loss cut her deeply. If you have not been in her situation you may not be able to understand the depth of the loss. An adopted person, with no one “like” them, finally finds a biological familiy member that she identifies with, and then that is gone. But she is getting through it. She created a temporary tribute web site here but they only allow those for a brief time. Go see it now and look at the pictures too. There’s also a one-month guestbook here and there is also an obituary here, though the picture is NOT what Petra would have picked and doesn’t represent him well. Another guestbook is here. Petra may build a more permanent web site, and if so I will post the link on this blog. In the meantime, take a minute and feel her loss. She didn’t find Jim or any biological relative until she was around 30. And now the most important and closest one is gone. RIP, Ol’ Uncle Jim. Smile down on your niece, she loves you very much.